You are viewing mild_guy

Mon, Aug. 3rd, 2009, 12:57 am
Open my mouth and remove all doubt

This is a meme I found on fireholly's journal. Post the first line or three of the 20 most recent fan fics you've posted. Well, I haven't actually posted a full 20 fics in my life, though I'm getting close. So a few of these are from WIP's and some are abandoned fics no one will ever see outside of another Old Shame Theater installment.

There are a few fics of mine out there, early stuff, that I've lost forever after they were posted to a forum. Just mentioning it so you know you're not getting a complete history here. These go from most ancient at the top, down to newest at the bottom.

1. The terrible feeling of being lost punctured Mario’s mind like a Bullet Bill.
2. Smoke and flame ascended from the weapons factory, only a shell remained of the building.
3. “Interesting. They have agreed upon the Forest setting for the arena,” said Magus. “Those who are weak are ever finding things to hide behind.”
4. Kefka enjoyed his dreams. He did not have them often, his sleep consisting mostly of extended blinking fits.
5. Samus greeted the most important day of the last thirty years of her life the same as all the ones before it.
6. “Select training program,” the VR computer intoned in a pleasant voice.
“SAS firing range,” answered Agent 47.
7. It was the perfect evening, so something had to go wrong. On my fifth bottle of Jack a wonderful idea came to me.
8. He hurtled down the defile, running flatfooted over the ice.
9. I know a place where there are no boy band albums, no escalating nuclear tensions, no war in the middle east; there is no news network television, no camera monitored speed zone, and no advertising industry; they have no melting ice caps, income taxes, hidden taxes, or sub-clauses; it offers the kind of purpose and adventure organized religion and professional sports promise (and can never provide).
10. “Bald Bull was a great guy and a good friend. Most people never saw that side of him. But then they never got to knock him on his ass in the ring either. I put him on the canvas twice, and we were the best of buds from then on,” Little Mac said.
11. On the corner of Syntax Boulevard and Main, Alex Kidd runs his newspaper stand.
12. Dr. Mario tugged open his desk drawer and gazed for a long moment at the green bottle inside.
13. The day Snake came down to Smash Town, shit got real.
14. The black horde of Game & Watches swarmed from the cover of the surrounding jungle in such numbers the electronic clicking of their seamless bodies flooding out every other sound.
15. Wolf cracked first.
16. Kevin was already mentally berating himself as he stepped into Segali’s Pawn Shop.
17. The echo of the monster’s dying screams chased Mario into the dark.
18. At the signal, I jumped into the teleporter.
19. Even with the rifle set firmly on a rock, Peach held her breath for a steady view through the scope.
20. Long ago a legend roared through the glowing streets of Mute City.

Notes: --Yep, # 1 up there is the 1st sentence of the first fan fic I ever wrote. In fact, it was the first fiction I wrote that wasn't a school assingment.
--# 2 is from my second story, a huge crossover I wrote about 80K words for and then gave up on it.
--Numbers 3, 4, 6, and 7 were written for game character contest fan fic projects. I actually posted these.
-- # 9 is from my first Captain N fic, my NANOWRIMO 2006 attempt. Never finished or posted. These lines rip off the opening to Heinlein's Glory Road.
-- The Alex Kidd in # 11 is this guy:
Alex Kidd

I was introduced to this character and his game when I found a Sega Master System set up for play at a department store when I was a kid. The game, too lazy to look up the full title, captured my imagination the way Super Mario Bros did. From then on, even though I was a hardcore Nintendo fanatic growing up, a secret place in my heart always longed for SEGA.
-- # 16 is my second try at a Captain N fic. By this point I'd rather write an original novel in the same vein, for all the changes I'd make to canon.
-- 19 and 20 are from NANOWRIMO 2008.


Reading over these lines now, I see plenty of wince-inducing structure issues, awkward phrasings, and at least of couple of them don't appear to be grammatically correct. I always thought I had good opening lines, and granted a few of these are from un-revised works, but it's still obvious I need to work harder on first impressions.

Sun, Sep. 6th, 2009 07:39 am (UTC)
tashiro_hyozo

Hey, I recognize some of those. By "some," I really mean "two." I like #7 though.

May I also play this game? Sadly, I only came up with 18. Not all are fan fictions.

In roughly chronological order:

1. He was at the top of his game, taking turns at neck-breaking speeds while the world passed around him as a stream of steely colors.

2. The arena came in and out of focus, bright lights glaring from darkness, delivering split images to his tired eyes.

3. The day they killed his general, he didn’t cry.

4. White rain fell against the window glass of the commuter car as it pulled to a stop in front of the beige domed building for Dark’s first day of classes.

5. “Hey, you know, you look like that actor.”

6. Tired, he sank down beneath the cover of a tree.

7. “You’re Captain Falcon, aren’t you?”

8. “Tell me true.”

9. Saturday night with a half-moon over the city was a night for lovers.

10. He pressed the rim of the glass against his broken lip, winced at the pain it produced, and took a sip.

11. He was born the day World War III began (or the day before, depending on which side you were on).

12. Marth had made a mistake in not killing him.

13. Between veterans and diehards of the track, there’s a saying.

14. Marth found him in the corner of their shared room, in the dark, tying his own bandages.

15. He busted through the doors and charged in, half drunk and more than a little irate.

16. He stood, his upper-body draped over the railing.

17. The swordsman watched a young woman from across the expanse of an aging terrace.

18. At his cousin's wedding, Jay had his camera.

---

I think it's funny that the #1 and #2 are structurally almost the same. There are also other commonalities. I need to write about something else other than drunk angry guys.

Sun, Sep. 6th, 2009 08:31 am (UTC)
mild_guy

I recognized all the fan fic ones, though I had to look up your stories to match them all. They're all pretty darn good, fan fic and original alike (except for #9. that one read a little awkward to me for some reason). I take it one of these is from the original fic you posted on the Internets? And what is # 3 from?

It is fun to get a small peek at your other works.

Both you and Fly have me beat down into the ground. I think this meme is a nice exercise. Makes one take a hard, honest second look at how we open our stories. The first line isn't all important, but it's not far from it. I do wonder if readers of fan fic are more forgiving than readers of published fiction? Certainly agents and editors are more picky, but...

So you like # 7, eh? Maybe I could blow the dust off of it and fix that one up, if it doesn't make me want to delete it and toss my hard drive into a bucket of acid first.

Tue, Sep. 8th, 2009 01:33 am (UTC)
tashiro_hyozo

Thanks. #9 was a sketch that never amounted to anything, and actually #4 is the one that more people have complained about as a first line. #3 was an incomplete short I never finished. It was an idea that I originally developed for fan fic but later decided not to use for fan fic. A friend read it and made the comment that there are better kung fu stories out there. It was meant to be a kung fu story, but that's besides the point.

"Maybe I could blow the dust off of it and fix that one up, if it doesn't make me want to delete it and toss my hard drive into a bucket of acid first."

Old material is just about guaranteed to make you want to destroy your hard drive out of pure shame. But, sometimes, picking up an old piece and reworking it can yield promising results. You never know.

Tue, Sep. 8th, 2009 02:03 am (UTC)
tashiro_hyozo: typos are fun

*"It was NOT meant to be a kung fu story...."